How much should you spend on a wedding gift?
There's no fixed number - the two things that decide it are how close you are to the couple and what you can comfortably afford. A coworker or distant friend can give less than a sibling, and no one should go into debt over a wedding gift.
Typical to spend
$75-$175
Typical for a friend attending. Adjust up for close family, down for an acquaintance - the calculator does the math for your exact relationship.
Calculate your exact amount โYou may have heard you should "cover the cost of your plate." Ignore it. What the couple spent per head at their venue is their budgeting decision, not your obligation. Give what fits your relationship and your wallet.
Cash, check, or a gift from the registry?
All three are perfectly acceptable today. Many couples - especially those who already live together - genuinely prefer cash toward a honeymoon, a home, or savings. If there's a registry, buying from it is the safest choice because it's exactly what they asked for. For the money side in depth, see our guide to wedding gift money etiquette.
- Registry gift - the couple picked it; you can't go wrong. Choose one at your budget rather than stretching for a big-ticket item.
- Cash or check - increasingly the norm; give it in a card, and make a check out to one partner (not "Mr. & Mrs.").
- Off-registry gift - lovely if it's genuinely personal (art, something handmade). Riskier if it's just a guess - when in doubt, use the registry.
Never put the price on the gift, and remove the tag from anything off-registry. A gift receipt tucked inside is thoughtful; a price sticker is not.
What if you're invited but can't attend?
If you're close to the couple, sending a gift is a warm gesture even when you can't be there - but it isn't strictly required, and it's usually a bit smaller than what you'd give if attending. If you barely know them and can't go, a heartfelt card is enough. Being invited is not a bill.
Group gifts and the wedding party
Going in on a bigger registry item with friends is smart and completely proper - it lets everyone give within budget while the couple gets something they really wanted. If you're in the wedding party, you've already invested time and money (attire, showers, travel); your wedding gift itself can be modest without any awkwardness.
When to send it, and thank-you notes
You can send a gift any time from the moment you receive the invitation up to a couple of months after the wedding - shipping registry items straight to the couple's home is easiest. The old "one year" grace period is a myth; sooner is kinder. Couples, for their part, should aim to send thank-you notes within about three months.
Once you've settled on an amount, the hard part is choosing something they'll love. Start with the couple's registry, then fill gaps with a personal touch.